3.03.2011

I was biking over the River and that guy by the Metra

station was drumming on a bucket something drum-buckety, hollow from the material but quick because that's how the drum bucket guys play, and he said something about Rahm Emmanuel. There were all these people herding toward the train out of the loop. I was with them. Not in a train car or on the sidewalk, but I was commuting out of the loop in the same direction that they were commuting out of the loop. And thought something wistful like, I live here, or, I'm here now. That feeling was short lived. I fall out with this place a lot. I need to work on the relationship. I try new things. I stay away from the things that make me stray. I even got a bike job. A job on a bike. And like other jobs, it pays. Also like other jobs, it pays poorly. Feel like I'm losing it to a thing that's not there, a sentiment, an idea of location. Feel like I thought I would come here and just be here. Instead I've been me and also here. The sun was shining yesterday. That was nice. There was a race last Saturday. That was nice. I got lost and unlost a lot. I placed second to last. Second to totally losing it. There is no valor in second to last. There's a race this coming Saturday, and I'm going to do it because eventually I will know where I'm going. When I know where I'm going, I'll be able to navigate myself out of here.